If I Wanted To, I Would

Circumstantial change, big or small, is usually preceded by our sudden seeing of new options and possibilities.

If you’re not seeing a bunch of new possibilities everyday, here is a way to get that habit going. 

Ask, "What if?”

“What if?” That is a most useful binary exploration to reveal the possibilities in almost any situation. Here are some examples. You would need to supply the specific question for your situation: 

• What if I take that class? What if I don’t?
• What if I eat the cake? What if I don’t?
• What if I ask her to dance? What if I don’t?
• What if I say what’s on my mind? What if I don’t?
• What if introduce myself? What if I don’t?

The purpose of the exploration is to discover whether there is anything new to see. And both questions are needed. One may reveal what we want. The other may reveal what we are afraid of losing. 

If, in your mind’s eye, you see a possibility, it can happen. It might not, but it could. It depends on where you focus your quality action. Remember that sudden seeing of new possibilities can change your circumstances. But it is not guaranteed.

The difference is in the doing. 

Action is destiny. If you take intentional action that produces something close to the anticipated and desired outcome, don’t tell people you’re lucky. You’re not lucky, you’re visionary. 

Luck is fate. It is best described as collateral blessing. Someone’s action or inaction had the unplanned consequence of improving your lot. The opposite is “unluck,” which you may have heard called collateral damage. Someone’s action or inaction had the unplanned consequence of screwing you over.

Living on luck seems like a terrible way to gamble away the short pilgrimage we have on this planet. 

So, you’re back to your own vision. Your own action. Your own destiny.

Action, in pursuit of an outcome is always good. It lives on a qualitative continuum. At one end is “scattered action.” At the other end is “considered action.” Scattered action is unfocused busyness. Considered action flows from, well, consideration. Remember the “what if” exercise? Consideration means you've thought it through. 

Uncover some new possibilities today. And do something about it.

January 5 (361) Sit Here

“Here’s the deal. You are going to sit here until you forgive yourself.”

That’s what Richard, the brazen Texan, says to the spiritually struggling Liz during her stay at an Ashram in India. If you saw the movie, Eat, Pray, Love then this message is already buried somewhere in your subconscious. So I just brought it back to the surface. You’re welcome.

We choose whether to carry our past forward into our future. 

Every uncovered mistake I have ever made presented me with nearly immediate consequences. Because of the heaven or hell dichotomy of my religious training, it took me decades to realize that natural consequences are all the punishment I’ll ever receive for each mistake I make. There is no other punishment waiting for me at the end of life. 

If the fear of punishment is lifted we now can choose how to spend our adult lives. I'm only in my fifties, so there's still time for me to learn otherwise, but I strongly suspect that the primary work of adulthood is to consciously interrupt the cycle of self punishment that we came to accept as normal and replace it with the habit of self-forgiving.

Now, forgiveness is not an eraser. It is not amnesia. It is more like a brand new set of coloring pencils. You get to imagine and create the best possible circumstances you can dream up. And if you can’t imagine any improvement right now, and you are ready, trust that a teacher will appear to show what is possible, even for a beginner. 

There is a way of thinking about time that understands the past is gone and that the future is not yet. All you really have is right now. This very moment. So, sit here until you forgive yourself. 

Then, live.

January 4 (362) Feeling Good

Feeling Good

It is a choice, you know. Some time back, when some of my outward circumstances seemed to be spiraling downward, I was hearing things in my head. Actually, it was just one thing: a low-pitched vibration – a frequency – that sounded like a distant fog horn. I heard it at home. I heard it at work. I heard it wherever I was. It went on month after month for over a year. I even asked a couple of friends. “Do you hear that?” And that is how I found out it was in my head. 

I knew intuitively that I was accessing this low frequency with my core attitude, which I had come to understand, is created with my dominant thoughts. I did not, however, know the frequency’s meaning. 

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear,” (attributed to Buddha, I think). The quote seems to articulate the educational principle that an unprepared student is no student at all. A teacher’s effort is wasted on such a one. But I was ready for a breakthrough.

After living with my constant vibrational companion for so long, the teacher appeared in the form of a book, Frequency, by Penny Pierce. Before reading it, my mind was already open to learn something about the inner life that was producing my awareness of the fog horn. 

I learned from Penny Pierce that the fog horn was connected to my feeling habits. Feeling low and lonely and disenfranchised were habitual for me, despite my efforts to put up a brave front. My soul was simply tuning in, like a radio, to the feeling station that I had preset. Long story short, when I worked on changing the feeling station my soul was tuned to, the fog horn faded.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard the fog horn again one morning. Instead of wondering about it and worrying, I knew what was going on. The tuner had slipped. But now I have the tools to tune into a higher frequency and live my best life, so far.

Here’s to tuning our souls to feeling good. 

January 3 (363) Be aware. Be very aware.

By overlooking undesirable situations that you can control, you develop a tolerance, an acceptance, of less-than-the-best in your life. The things you overlook day after day eventually come to represent your greatest dissatisfactions. 

A very common toleration is that of clutter. If you remove clutter by tossing it or organizing it, you can take back an environment that supports productivity and a sense of control. 

Another common toleration takes some courage to confront – a boss, lover or buddy who makes you hate yourself. Once you know someone doesn't belong in your life, you cannot un-know that. It will nag you to the point of desperation. So, have the conversation. Maybe your feelings will change. Or, at least, ending the association will make some room for a better business opportunity, a relationship that energizes everything good in you, and a circle of friends you are confident are on your side.

Are you tolerating some unfinished nuisance tasks that, if completed, would support progress toward your goals? What if you stopped tolerating that tired computer, the mouse about your house or that disconcerting sound your car makes when you apply the brakes? If the task is too large for you, hire the help you need. When you spend money to create peace of mind, you are investing in the universe’s most valuable commodity.

By identifying and taking action against your tolerations, you are exerting the type of control that will produce observable and measurable contributions to your happiness.

January 2 (364)

I am not one of those who thinks writing down a goal makes it happen. I’ve tried that in the past. I found that trying to write down goals bogs me down, especially when trying to apply a method such as creating annual, quarterly, monthly and daily plans. The process saps me of enthusiasm and has created many a failed effort at succeeding. 

Last year, I did something different. I made an effort simply to establish and hold a mental image of me working from home. I was open to the many ways that could happen. It might have been as a writer, an instructional designer or a consultant or a coach or all of the above. I even set up a modest home office before I had anything to do in it. I went down several rabbit holes to try to determine what I would do, but never with anxiety or worry. I was simply exploring, investing in myself and discovering. A couple of those rabbit holes produced some income for me. 

By mid-July, I was working from home full-time. If you ask me how to do this, I could blow smoke with steps to success. In fact, you may already be doing much of what I did. But here is the secret. Do not miss this. With each passing day, I became ever more convinced that it is not only possible to change your life with changed thinking, new thoughts are really the only avenue for getting a new result. 

In November, I came upon a blog post from success guru Peter Bregman. In it he said, “It is easier and more reliable to create an environment that supports your goals than it is to depend on willpower.” I resonate with that statement because it is true in my experience.

The Year is 2013 (365)

The year is 2013. The first day. Last year seems like only yesterday. There is no undoing of what you got from last year. You did what you did. You know what you know. You made what you made. You loved who you loved. Whether you think it was a blessed year or a cursed one, you are correct.

For some reason, we seem to need this first day. We usher it in with honor, libation, dancing and kissing and temporary resolve. Yet, today, we are barely aware that the countdown to the next “last day” has already begun.

The question that is on my mind on this first day is this: What would happen if you knew what accomplishments are non-negotiable for you in this new year? I am referring to that event or experience or accomplishment that absolutely must have transpired by the time we get to day 365. I call this “The Year in Preview.”